As the day progressed I decided to go for a run around lunchtime, as the weather was too good not to get outside. As is my custom, I took along the iPod, selected U2 from the “artists” menu and then selected “all songs” and “shuffle” as listening options. I always get some inspiration from U2 and enjoy the possibility that I will hear a song that I have not listened to in a long time; or ever before. Such is the case with Flower Child.
During the sessions for All that You Can’t Leave Behind, the band recorded a song called Flower Child. While it never made it to the album, it did find its way to a compilation entitled U2 Medium, Rare, and Re-mastered. The refrain is as follows:
The seeds that you sow
You wanna watch them growing
Wild, you grow wild
You grow wild in my heart
Wild, you grow wild
You grow wild in my heart
Wild...
I started to think that our children are the seeds that we plant. It brings me great joy to see our triplets grow and develop (alongside, of course, the anger and frustration that arise when they do something which could be counterproductive to their growth and development). That said, as parents it is our job to provide the fertile soil, water, and sunshine that will enable them to blossom into happy adults. We have to set a good example for them and teach them values that they can use to aid in decision-making later in life.
During the run I also reflected on one of the big decisions my wife and I are facing; namely whether or not to keep our children at the school where they currently attend or to place them in our public school system. Their current school only has 2 classes per grade while the public school has 5. In short, we would be able to place them all in different classrooms if we switched schools (right now 2 of them share a classroom). We would like them to have independent experiences and it seems like the later option will be able to provide that. The later option also has us giving up the smaller, family focused environment in which they are thriving.
Is independence a natural desire? That’s kind of a funny question coming on the heels of July 4th but one to consider nonetheless. From the time we are born we are taught to grow up and be independent, but is a drive for independence a conditioned response to what our larger society values? I can see where co-dependence can be disabling but at the other end of the spectrum, isolation is as well.
People do think we are crazy for obsessing on this so much but at the root of our obsession is the desire to see our children blossom. Which path leads to fertile soil, water, and sunshine and which path leads to mulch? I suppose only time will tell. Feel free to share your thoughts.
There are few decisions that feel as big as those surrounding our childrens' education. I'm sure you'll do well by your kids regardless of the path you choose.
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts on independence have been shockingly thought provoking for me. I consider independence the goal for my children. I would offer that independence shouldn't mean isolation.
Sitting at my parents' dining room table during a visit in the mid-90's, I giggled to myself as my parents began another lecture on my premarital cohabitation with my girlfriend. Ironically, my agnostic parents seemed to be more bothered by the living arrangement than my girlfriend's actively Catholic parents. I giggled because I didn't have to listen to them. I giggled because, for the first time, I realized that my parent's opinions, judgement and guidance were merely that. There was no threat, punishment, or penalty they could sentence upon me. As much respect as I have for my parent's, this choice was mine and my girlfriend's. We were independent adults. The consequences would be the result of our choices, not our parents'. I giggled because it did not matter what they said or thought. Except that it did matter. The consequences of our choices were felt by more than ourselves, and we were(are) responsible for those consequences.
Obviously I'm still figuring this out, but here's what I've come up with so far:
Independence is taking responsibility for you own well-being rather than relying on others to provide it.
Independence is not freedom from consequences that your parents enforce, but rather the recognition that your choices have consequences for those around you.
Independence is not freedom from a provider, but rather the responsibility to be a provider.
Independence is realizing that the impact of uncontrollable events in your life is not the result of chance or luck, but rather the result of the choices you make before, during and after these events.
Independence is not freedom from responsiblity, it is the acceptance of responsibility.
I appreciate the response; particularly that last line. I might build on that to suggest that independence is the courage to make a decision even if it is contrary to popular opinion (i.e. that of your parents). Maturity is the ability to accept responsibility for your independent decisions whether they are right or wrong. Wisdom is the ability to learn from your mistakes.
ReplyDeleteMike...
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some words of wisdom to offer on this...maybe something will come to me later. (Probably not.)
But this much I can say, after reading both this post and the one about "Pete" in Stop and Shop:
Your children will do just fine, no matter where you send them to school, because they have a most rare advantage - a good man for a father.
Jacque