Hitting Curveballs

When I as knee high to a grasshopper (who says that?) I played in the Springdale Little league for Palmer’s Market (which, like some of the other sponsors including Handyman Hardware and Machlette Laboratories, is no longer in business in Springdale). I remember having a hard time hitting curveballs (to be truthful, I had a hard time hitting anything – the only thing that explained my on base percentage was the fact that my smart ass attitude was a target for pitchers). I think I have a permanent Rawlings tattoo on my left hip!

I remember one game in particular where Palmer’s Market was playing my brother’s team, Handyman Hardware. On my grandmother’s gave, the opposing pitcher was 11 feet tall and had blond hair. He kind of reminded me of William Zabka; the actor who played Johnny Lawrence, the antagonist in the Karate Kid. Any rate, he threw a curveball that curved right towards my body on its journey from the mound to the plate. Being a righty, it slammed into my left hip. I was down for the count. When I took my base, the first base coach asked me, “why didn’t you get out of the way?” I replied, “I did not see it coming.” No more words were spoken between us, but his expression said it all, ‘maybe its time for glasses.’

It dawned on me yesterday though that long after our ball playing days are over, the curveballs keep coming, albeit in different forms. Consider the following events which unfolded over a 12 hour period yesterday;

1. As I was waiting to board a flight from New York to San Diego, I spilled coffee on the only dress shirt I brought on the trip (I was only to be gone overnight). No problem, I said to myself, I was going to have 4 hours to kill once I landed in San Diego as my focus groups were only going to start at 5:30.

2. As we approach the San Diego area, the pilot comes on and tells us that we are being diverted to Long Beach due to bad weather in San Diego. Bad weather? Really? It rains once a decade in San Diego and I have to fly on the day of an apparent monsoon. Okay, stay calm, it will all work out.

3. We land in Long Beach and the pilot does not know how long we will be there. However, anyone with a carry on bag can deplane and make their own transportation arrangements to get to San Diego. Having friends who were stuck on an airplane for 30 hours, I decided to deplane and rent a car. It is only about 119 miles to San Diego from Long Beach and I had 4 hours to make it. This should not have been a problem only for the fact that A. the GPS I rented did not work and B. people in Southern California apparently don’t know how to drive in the rain. It was stop and go as I got onto the 405 S.

At this point, I was fuming. I thought I was going to miss my focus groups; a first in my career. Then, as I was driving south, I saw a break in the clouds and the sun came out for a brief moment. Something caught my periphery vision; the biggest and brightest rainbow I had ever seen in my life. I felt as if I could open my window and touch it. I then looked to my right and saw the Pacific Ocean. I could not help but smile at its beauty. So, I decided to do what one does in such situations and turn on the radio. The first song I heard was Simple Minds’ Alive and Kicking:

You turn me on, you lift me up

And like the sweetest cup I'd share with you

You lift me up, don't you ever stop, I'm here with you

Now it's all or nothing

'Cause you say you'll follow through

You follow me, and I, I, I follow you

What you gonna do when things go wrong?

What you gonna do when it all cracks up?

What you gonna do when the Love burns down?

What you gonna do when the flames go up?

Who is gonna come and turn the tide?

What's it gonna take to make a dream survive?

Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside?

Who's gonna save you?

Alive and Kicking

What an appropriate message to receive at that point in time! Suddenly, I felt the stress and frustration which were on my back like a monkey leave me as I traveled south towards San Diego. I then started to reflect on the topic of the night's focus groups; the US Army. Images of soldiers I had seen in airports reunited with their families after a long deployment only increased my happiness. The thought of soldiers thousands of miles away engaged in war and separated from their families during the holidays made me think that my current ordeal was nothing compared to what they face.

I made it to San Diego with 15 minutes to spare before my first focus group. Not enough time to get a new shirt so I just started off the session making fun of my own clumsiness; group participants always like it when the moderator is a bit self deprecating. The groups went great and I felt as if I did a great job for my client.

At the end of the night I realized that, after 35 years, I finally managed to hit a curveball.

The Advent Adventure

We children of the 80s hold a special place in our hearts for 1985’s Back to the Future. Imagine being able to travel backwards or forwards in time with nothing but a used DeLorean, a Flux Capacitor, and, of course, some plutonium stolen from Libyan nationalists. I know stealing is a sin but let’s face it; they were up to no good with it.

What would we do with such ability? I can think of a few actions I would like to erase from Carlon history; like the time I poured chocolate milk down my parents brand new hi-fi during a big party at our home or the time I said something really hurtful to someone close to me. In short, I would rather change some poor decisions I made rather than take a trip into the future to see who will win the 2010 World Series and make some serious cash by placing a winning bet (that said, I don’t need a time machine to know that it will likely not be the NY Mets).

What does this have to do with Advent? Last night my wife asked me to describe the significance of Advent to her and the kids. I’d like to think I learned something in my K-12 Catholic education so I offered the following reply.

Advent is a time of anticipation. It is a formal time set aside for us to reflect on whether or not we are ready to accept a savior into our hearts; and all that doing so entails. That Advent has its own season suggests it is a time to retreat from our regular lives to identify any obstacles we may have put up through our actions that may prevent us from fully experiencing the Christmas miracle.

Advent then becomes adventure; a time to identify our shortcomings, map a plan to overcome those shortcomings, and begin a journey down a more Christ like path.

While we don’t have Dr. Emmett Brown’s time machine at our disposal to erase the poor decisions of our past, we do have one tool that can help us prepare for the miracle of Christmas in our hearts; the Sacrament of Reconciliation. While many Catholics, myself included, have drifted away from this Sacrament as we moved into our adult lives, we must recognize that Advent provides a wonderfully appropriate opportunity for us to make confession and return to a state of grace.

Beginning our Advent adventure with a blank slate will help us truly experience the presents that await us after the wax from that fourth purple candle of the Advent wreath begins to melt. No, not those presents that come in wrapped boxes under the tree. Rather, those gifts that come when we realize that a savior has come to this world to carry the cross of our shame. The gift of joy we experience by serving and loving one another the ways we want to be loved and the gift of relief when we realize that we can surrender our burdens to He who so loved the world that He offered unto us His only Son.

Every Breath you Take

I was very close with my maternal grandmother. My twin brother suffers from asthma and was in and out of the hospital when we were little. He absorbed much of my mother’s attention and, as a result, my grandmother would drive west to Plantation, FL from her condo on Pompano Beach to help take care of my older siblings and me.

Grandma and I had a very special bond that was broken in May of 1992 when she succumbed to cancer. Her timing really was awful; it was right before Mother’s Day, my twin and I were just about to graduate from high school, my sister was about to be married, and my older brother was about to open his first wine store. It was hard to believe that she would not be there to witness these events and the parties that went along with them; she always loved a good party.

Is that entirely true though? Would she really not be there?

I have a vivid memory of my grandmother’s wake, not of the scores of people who came to pay their respects, but of the scent of the flowers that surrounded her casket at the Gallagher funeral home. I will never forget that smell.

I remember leaving the funeral home after all of my siblings; I had borrowed my sister’s car for the night as she drove with her fiancée. I wanted to be the last person to leave. As I left the funeral home, my sense of olfaction was cleansed by the warm spring air as I walked through the parking lot and got into the car. I turned the car on and was greeted by the Police’s Every Breath You Take:

Every breath you take and every move you make

Every bond you break

Every step you take, I'll be watching you

Every single day and every word you say

I’ll be watching you

I inexplicably smelled the flowers from the funeral home as I heard Sting’s lyrics. I know this song is supposed to be from the point of view of a stalker, but for that brief moment in time it was being sung to me from the point of view of my grandmother. I truly believe it was her final gift to me; a way of telling me that even though she is gone, I will be okay. She will still continue to watch over me.

What a comforting thought, that those who have left this world to join the next will still continue to watch over us as guardian angels of sorts. Every now and then, when I am facing a difficult decision or a trial in my life, I sometimes smell those flowers as if my grandmother were right next to me trying to help me find a solution to whatever is troubling me.

As Christians, we believe that Jesus is still with us and by turning towards Him and putting our faith and trust in Him, our burdens will ease. I truly believe that the experience I had the night of my grandmother’s wake is a gift. It is a reminder of the reality that through Christ, all things are possible and all will be taken care of.

The Sin of Denying a Vocation

I had a Religion teacher in high school, Mr. Roper, who impressed upon us the nature of sin. Up to that point in our lives, we believed that various acts, in and of themselves, were simply sinful. For example, treating your mother and father poorly, treating others unfairly, lying about something, etc.

Mr. Roper though, told us why these sins were, well, sinful. He explained that all sins can be traced back to the act of alienating oneself from others. Further, by doing so, we actually alienate ourselves from God as it is God’s will that we love one another. The actions described above, and many others, stem from acts of alienation. Therefore, Mr. Roper argued, that there is only one sin in this world and that is the sin of alienation (not to be confused by the 1988 film Alien Nation starring James Caan who was also in The Godfather. From the Godfather to Alien Nation; I could argue Caan's accepting the lead role in this horrible movie was a sin in and of itself but I digress).

I took on this simplistic worldview for a while and then, while considering the life of one of my closest friends, I started to challenge my beliefs in this area. My friend Robert (not his real name) came from a very strict family. He was extremely bright making the honor roll during all four years attending a very prestigious Catholic prep school.

He was talented at both mathematics and writing. He could have been an accountant or writer, or perhaps a writer of accounting standards (as exciting as that sounds). However, when Robert left home to attend a very prestigious private University, the sudden influx of freedom was too much to handle. His grades slipped. He was given 4 warnings and was later asked to leave the school. He bounced around a few more colleges after that, but he never graduated. Now, this former honor roll student runs around doing odd jobs well below his ability. He often does not go to bed until 4 am and treats his personal relationships poorly.

I know that Robert’s home life was abysmal. While his parents supported him financially, the emotional support critical to fueling a person’s self esteem was not present. However, at what point to we wake up and recognize the need to overcome such an obstacle? At what point do we accept responsibility for the poor choices that we consciously make even when we know better? At what point do we choose not to have our present actions dictated by our past?

My friend’s experience and choices made me realize that alienation is not the only sin in the world. The conscious decision to deny one’s vocation is also a sin. It is a sin of wasted potential.

When I was younger, the term vocation meant a call to religious life; an arguably very narrow definition. Now I come to understand that we are all called to something; we all have abilities and gifts given to us by God and tasked to use these abilities to spread the Gospel’s messages of love, forgiveness and salvation. Its not just through preaching, but through raising a family in the faith, treating others with kindness, running a business grounded in moral principles, keeping a blog, etc.

Choosing not to develop our gifts and therefore not to use our abilities in the service of others is just as much a sin as bearing false witness against one’s neighbor. If we consciously choose not to cultivate these talents we are, in a sense, saying no to God.

As I write these words, I find myself at the crossroads where these two sins (alienation and denying vocations) interconnect. I can choose to alienate my friend and not encourage him to take a different path or I can pick up the phone and have a heart to heart conversation with him. There is much more to be said about this theme, and more words I can write; however, I have a phone call to make.

St. Leo - The Godfather

The Godfather is one of my favorite books primarily because of Don Corleone; a character whose sense of family and honor is shadowed by his own brutality. It is hard to argue that "I'll make him an offer he can't refuse," is not one of the best character catch phrases ever ascribed to a character in print or on film.

A few weeks ago, our parish celebrated the feast of our patron Saint; St. Leo. During the homily, our pastor told us the story (again) of St. Leo and one of the things St. Leo (then Pope) is famous for. Atilla the Hun was planning on invading Rome until he was met outside the city by Pope Leo I. History does not account for what was said at the meeting, but Atilla decided not to invade Rome.

In my mind, Pope Leo I must have made him an offer he could not refuse. I wonder if any of Atilla's horses were missing a head after the meeting....

Back in the High Life

This weekend I took the kids to see the most recent adaptation of A Christmas Carol. It is one of my favorite stories primarily because it deals with the very simple, yet powerful, theme of repentance. As rich as he is, Scrooge realizes that he has lived his life quite poorly and is given a second chance. Quite a Catholic (in the religious as well as universal sense) message indeed; we ask for forgiveness and a forgiving God grants it unto us.

Later that weekend, I was driving with the kids and Steve Winwood’s Back in the High Life came on.

It used to seem to me

That my life ran on too fast

And I had to take it slowly

Just to make the good parts last

But when you're born to run

It's so hard to just slow down

So don't be surprised to see me

Back in that bright part of town

I'll be back in the high life again

All the doors I closed one time will open up again

I'll be back in the high life again

All the eyes that watched me once will smile and take me in

I cannot help but think that Charles Dickens could have penned these lyrics for Ebenezer Scrooge to sing after he woke up on Christmas morning and realized that he is, indeed, alive.

The idea of a second chance goes hand in hand with the notion of freewill; we are free to choose the road on which we walk and our not predestined by our creator to take a particular direction. Sometimes that road is smooth while other times it is bumpy. If we learn from our mistakes, and sincerely wish to change the road on which we are traveling, it is comforting to know that we have a second chance; a mulligan of sorts.

How do we engage such a second chance? As Catholics, we often take for granted the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Many Catholics and non-Catholics alike question the need for this Sacrament to begin with. I used to be one of them. The notion that another man can forgive us our sins just because he wears a roman collar used to seem preposterous to me. Truth be told, I did not know what the Sacrament was all about.

As a 35 year old man I now realize that there are 3 components to this Sacrament:

1. The penitent recognizing that he has sinned and feeling a desire to be absolved of this sin
2. The penitent confessing his sin to a priest
3. The Holy Spirit working through the priest to absolve the penitent man of his sin

A reasonable person might question whether or not simply asking God on a personal level is good enough for seeking reconciliation. The counter argument to that is that when you confess to someone else, you make the fact that you have sinned more real. On a psychological basis, hearing your own words come out of your own mouth and flowing into the ears of another provides a sense of accountability for the sin. Theoretically, this action should reduce the chances of committing that sin again. On a theological basis, of course, the Gospel of John (Chapter 20) tell us that Jesus said to his apostles (the first priests) “Whoever sins you forgive are forgiven.” Theologically, then, Jesus bestowed this power to his closest followers.

Thinking this through, Freewill, then, cannot exist without the Sacrament of Reconciliation to help erase the mistakes we choose to make as we live our lives.

Scrooge had 3 confessors in A Christmas Carol; the ghost of Christmas Past, the ghost of Christmas present, and the ghost of Christmas yet to come. We need not seek out these 3 spirits to put our lives back on track. All we need to do is seek out a priest and ask to be absolved from our sins. And, believe me, priets will be happy to help. Many times, they are looking for a little company in the confessional.

Healthcare Reform: Treating the Symptoms and not the Cause

President Obama, Hillary Clinton, and the majority leaders in both houses of Congress are not the first group of people to realize that the health care system in the United States is in need of reform. The US Conference of Catholic Bishops has been preaching on this for decades. The fact that health care costs have risen so high to the point where tens of millions of Americans cannot afford health care coverage or elect not to pay for it suggests that the current system is broken. Access to affordable health care is a key component of Catholic Social Teaching and the fact that millions of Americans do not have access to it is simply wrong; dare I say sinful. The Bishops are right to call for reform.

This issue has become politicized, meaning that a lot of people on both sides of the aisle use manipulated data points and fear tactics to push their agendas. Really difficult problems become very simple (albeit watered down) sound bytes. The average American has no idea what the proposed House bill is all about; it is, of course 2,000 pages long and no doubt filled with all of that legal mumbo jumbo that causes me to break out in hives (personally, the world would be better off with fewer lawyers and fewer tax accountants, but that is another post all together). The point is, all most of us know about this legislation is what we hear politicized on the news.

One issue that has received a lot of airtime surrounds whether or not federal dollars will be used to fund abortions. With over 50% of people in this country now considering themselves pro-life, the thought that their tax dollars may be used to fund abortions is, frankly, sinful. Initially, the President understood and respected this position as he, on multiple occasions, pointed out that abortion will not be covered by the legislation under consideration. However, over the past few decades we have come not to take our politicians at their word so, when a House Democrat from Michigan, Bart Stupak, pushed for an amendment clearly spelling out that federal dollars would not be used to fund abortions, President Obama should have been relieved for 2 reasons; 1 it clearly states something the president has promised and 2. this amendment was the primary reason the house voted in favor of the bill.

The fallout from this event has been interesting to watch. The President and speaker Pelosi along with other pro-abortion democrats are not happy with the House bill in its current form. They are not pleased with the Stupak amendment and many in the senate have pledged not to vote for any health care reform bill that contains this language. Given the President’s multiple statements regarding abortion and healthcare reform, it begs the question, why?

Put that maddening puzzle aside for a second. I suggest that even if you are pro-abortion, you should be in favor of the Stupak amendment if you want this bill to pass. Here’s why:

1. The bill does not prevent abortion from being funded by federal dollars in the case of rape, incest, or when the mother’s life is in danger. Otherwise, arguably abortion is not a necessary medical procedure but rather an elective surgery. Which other elective surgeries are covered by this proposed legislation?

2. Abortions are actually one of the least expensive medical procedures to have performed, particularly early on in a pregnancy. In fact, it costs less for an early term abortion than it does for many vision procedures or dental procedures that are not covered by most health plans.

3. This amendment does not ban abortion, it simply prohibits the use of federal dollars to fund abortions under the new legislation. It simply applies the principles of the Hyde Amendment to this new legislation. As such, cost to the woman seeking an abortion do not change as a result of the Stupak Amendment nor does her access to having that abortion.

All of this, however, should be a moot point. With or without abortion, health care reform, as it is being addressed by the administration and congress, should not see the light of day because it does not address the root causes of why health care costs have escalated to where they are. Consider the following:

1. Doctors have to charge higher fees to cover exorbitant malpractice insurance premiums. Additionally, healthcare costs rise when doctors order unnecessary tests to cover their “you know whats” for fear of misdiagnosis which can lead to further legal liability. If this liability is not “capped,” this cycle of high premium/unnecessary tests will expand and continue to add to inflation in the healthcare sector.

2. Managed care organizations (of which the government is proposing to become the largest if the public option passes) only reimburse doctors a fraction of their fees. Additionally, doctors have to wait a long time to get paid and, as a result, must see more patients to maintain their income (and pay off all those debts incurred in medical school). Seeing 30+ patients a day (and finding the time to deal with multiple insurance hassles – ie taking multiple calls from a pharmacy about Ms. Smith's Medicare not covering Forteo) leads to fatigue, which increases the possibility of making a misdiagnosis.

The interrelated dynamics of number 1 and number 2 are what cause healthcare costs to continually inflate. They will continue to do so even if every American has affordable healthcare available to them. As a result, our taxes will increase proportionately. We will not be solving the healthcare cost crises; rather, we will be funding costs that will continue to escalate by robbing from Peter to pay Paul. Responsibility will now be on a wider base of Americans (i.e. all tax payers) vs. just those who currently pay for premiums. The fact that not all Americans pay taxes, but will have access to government sponsored healthcare is another post all together.

Real healthcare reform must address the root causes of escalating healthcare costs. Otherwise you are treating the symptom and not the cause. As such, with or without the Stupak amendment, this administration’s approach to healthcare reform should takeoff like a led zeppelin.

Proponents of Eliminating Ability Grouping Should Lace Up their Skates

Originally printed in the Nov 12 Edition of The Stamford Advocate

Like many readers of the Stamford Advocate, I have been following the back and forth on ability grouping in our City’s public school. Both sides use their own biases to select data to support their arguments. Such conflicting statements based on supposed facts make it hard for readers to form their own opinion. Of course, as observers, we are left in the dark regarding where these facts come from, how many subjects were used in the study, whether or not other studies support conclusions etc. Importantly, we do not know whether or not these studies are conducted in markets comparable to Stamford on the basis of demographics, socioeconomic status, etc.

That said, we don’t have to turn to studies from Stanford, Harvard, Yale, or Columbia to make up our minds on this issue. All we have to do is sit rink side, courtside, or on any other “sideline” as we watch our kids practice for sports. This should not be hard for most of us to do as Stamford is such a sports oriented community.

Take hockey for example. My daughter is on the Tiger Sharks who practice at Terry Connors on Saturday mornings. The coaches take the entire group of kids and split them in half; those who skate better than others go to one side of the ice while those who need more help go to the other side. This is done so that those who are more advanced get more advanced instruction and those who need more help get more remedial instruction. My daughter was on the “remedial” side of the ice last year and worked hard to get to the more advanced side this year. She had a goal in mind (literally and figuratively) and she worked hard to meet it. As a result, her self-esteem improved as did her willingness to try harder to master her skating and puck handling skills.

Let’s go beyond practice and look at games. In games, hockey teams are broken out into 3 lines based on ability. The first line includes the “best” players while the second line includes those who are still mastering their skills. The third line includes those who may be newer to the team and need more instruction. Each line gets the chance to skate multiple times during a period. In games, the first line of team A matches up with the first line of team B. this is done to insure kids of similar ability play each other. What would happen if line 1 of team A faces line 3 of team B? You can debate the conclusion but, more often than not, I would pose that team B gets destroyed.

This same principle holds true for the playing field that is the classroom. Mixing our classrooms with kids of vastly different abilities may ultimately serve to hurt everyone involved. If our teachers choose to focus their time on those who need the most help comprehending a concept, those who have mastered the concept will suffer because they can’t “move on.” Alternatively, if the teacher caters to those who are most advanced, those who need more help will be left frustrated as they many not cannot comprehend the concept as quickly as others.

The motivation to eliminate ability grouping in Stamford public schools is supposedly to level the playing field for all of our city’s children. Proponents suggest that placing students in a lower performing track may do psychological harm to those in such track and increase self perpetuating feelings of helplessness which are hard to overcome. This is an issue of stigmas associated with such an ability group and not the result of being in that group. Perhaps we should work to remove the stigmas and not the groups themselves.

Further, proponents say that eliminating grouping will improve the educational experiences for our city’s minority students who are over represented in such ability groups. Even if eliminating grouping improves the educational experiences of some children, it does not address why certain children were in underperforming groups to begin with. This is the biggest flaw with the proposal to eliminate grouping; it fails to address why so many children from our more urban areas are over represented in lower ability groups. As such, eliminating grouping is akin to treating a disease by removing the symptoms instead of preventing the disease itself; sure it may work, but it is rather inefficient, and not a long term solution.

Human beings are diverse in ways other than race; we all have varying levels of ability. Some of us are stronger in certain areas than others. My twin brother was much better at reading and English (and you may argue writing) while I was stronger in math and science. Some of us learn differently than others, some of us need more time to grasp concepts while others grasp them quickly and are ready to move on. We need to learn at our own pace and be placed with others who learn at a similar pace. This does not mean that, as we master skills, we cannot “change lines.” Of course we can and our educational system should allow us to do so. Eliminating ability grouping will do more harm than good, even in those who are intended to benefit by such an action.

The Old Apartment

Certain songs are like bookmarks; just hearing them takes us back to certain times in our lives (you were so right Kenny).

When I was in college, The Barenaked Ladies were just breaking with their first hit The Old Apartment; a quick piece of trivia, the video for this single was directed by Jason Priestly of 90210 fame (and who could forget him on the lesser-known Sister Kate?). I heard this song today and it took me back to 1990 something when life was certainly easier and the biggest problem I faced was whether or not go hit Ted’s or Huskies first on a Thursday night. Sorry Kenny, no short bed Chevy for this city boy.

Today, though, I heard this song with a different set of ears; a different filter of sorts influenced by all the grown up things I have done such as getting married, owning a home, and becoming a father. Let’s add getting back in touch with my Catholic faith to that list of events as well shall we?

This song is about someone who has left a relationship only to try and return to find that his love has moved on. The old apartment has been rented to someone else. The memories remain, but the writer can never live there again. While this may be true with our more “human” relationships, this is not the case when it comes to those relationships that are divine in nature. Our spiritual apartment, although it may be vacant, will never be rented to someone else. It is always waiting for us to come back home.

I know many people who have left the church and feel a tug on their heartstrings pulling them to come back home. They wonder will I be accepted? Will I have to be re-baptized? Like a child who has run away from home over a small argument with his parents, the Church will welcome you back and be comforted that you have come back.

The song Open Arms by Journey always made it on every mix tape I ever made for a girl; that’s right kids, before we had playlists we had mix tapes. Ill tell you about the lost art of the mix tape at another time. The Church will welcome us back with open arms so long as we make the first move (does anyone but me remember the show Its Your Move with Jason Bateman? “Block that kick, please block that kick,”). Sorry for the digression.

Are you one of those who want to explore a return “home?” Are you wondering what you have to do? Just take a deep breath and enter the old apartment that is your spiritual home. The locks have not been changed.

The $.99 Download and the Catholic Identity Crisis

I remember studying psychology as an undergraduate and being introduced to Gestalt thinking. The primary philosophy underlying Gestalt thinking is that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. In practical terms, this means that we as people are all more than the sum of our memories and experiences. This goes hand in hand with the notion of freewill; our past does not chain us down to anything. Why do two people with similar upbringings wind up on different sides of the spectrum in life? Because we are more than what our genetics and past dictate we are

I think that to some extent this philosophy holds true for music. On its most granular level a song is much more than the sum of its core components; lyrics, notes, rhythm, melody, and harmony. On a more grand scale, an album is more than the sum of its individual songs. An artist will take time to consider what songs to include on an album and the order in which they should be placed. While this is especially true for concept albums that are designed to tell a story, it also holds true for regular albums; the artist has an idea in mind and from this idea songs are selected to be recorded, they are arranged in a certain manner, and an album is born.

The age of the $.99 download does a disservice to not only the artist but also to the listener. By not committing to the full album, the listener will not experience a song as it was intended to be heard by the artist; in the context of a larger album or story.

We have the same problem with religion; particularly within Catholicism. I know many Catholics who prefer the $.99 download version of the faith vs. embracing the entire album. I am not singling out those “Cafeteria Plan” Catholics who pick and choose which parts of the faith to believe or follow; we need healthy and open debate in the Church as the Church is a living being. Rather, I am referring to those Catholics who don’t embrace the larger implications of being Catholic.

The $.99 version of Catholicism is akin to practicing the faith by doing the bare minimum; attending mass once per week. Unfortunately, depending on what source of information you read, up to 40% of Catholics don’t even do that.

Calling oneself Catholic must not be something we do passively but something we are. Most of us are baptized Catholic when we have no say in the matter. It is a passive event. As we move through the Sacraments of initiation we often do so passively. But like the Velveteen Rabbit who eventually becomes real, we must continually become Catholic thorough our experiences and conscious choices.

Being a Catholic must become part of our identity; how we define ourselves. We can be no less Catholic than we can be less Irish, Italian, black or white. We must remember that being Catholic means we are to love our neighbor unconditionally and that the opposite of expressing this love is alienating others by our attitudes, behavior, and, most notably, apathy.

When being Catholic becomes part of our identity, we start to live every day seeking opportunities to serve others and, fortunately, we don’t have to look far. When we are conscious of our desire to serve others, we see need all around us. From the homeless man asking for a handout, to the confused tourist looking to make his way uptown, to a client who is struggling to make a business case to his/her management, opportunities to serve others are oftentimes an arms length away.

When does this ‘becoming’ begin? The Sacraments of initiation are a good start but it cannot end with one’s Confirmation. We must continue to live the faith day in and day out in order to live what it means to be Catholic. For this reason, joining a Parish, attending mass regularly, and being an active member of the Parish community are critical in our solving the Catholic identity crisis. Surrounding ourselves with others who believe as we do provides the encouragement we sometimes need to keep climbing the mountain (not hill) of faith.

When does this ‘becoming’ end? There is no expiration date on the Catholic identity. We don’t retire from it. It ends with our death; which to us as Catholics, of course, is really the beginning of an eternal life. That said, if every day of our lives is spent serving others in some capacity, that life full of giving and compassion cannot really die. Someone who has been impacted by our kindness and generosity will pick up where we left off. If our children are witnesses to our living with a Catholic identity, they will continue our work. The Catholic identity thus becomes cyclical; identity crisis solved.

It is not my place to determine how Jesus intended His message of love, mercy, and compassion to be heard. I can only assume He wanted them heard in the context of life’s present vs. its past. I can only assume that He wanted His message to only pass through our ears on its way to our hearts and into our DNA. As such, ask yourselves, are you living the $.99 download version of the Catholic faith or are you buying the album?

Molding Clay

I remember being a kid and listening to certain tapes in my Sony Walkman so much that they would wear out and sound distorted after a while; kind of like when the batteries were running low or when the dentist gives you too much laughing gas. I would listen to certain albums/tapes so much that I would actually come to hate them after a while. Kind of Ironic, don’t you think? And, FYI Alanis, most of the things you mention in that song are unfortunate, not ironic, but I digress.

The point is, over time I became careful not to “party out” and listen to an album I liked so much that I would wind up hating it. When U2s latest, No Line on the Horizon, came out, I listened to it at least once a day for 2 weeks and decided to put it away until I saw them in concert. Most of the show I saw a few weeks ago centered around the latest album and it was only then I remembered how great this album is.

There is one song in particular that stands out; track 5 is I’ll Go Crazy if I don’t go Crazy Tonight. The last 2 lines of the second verse and the chorus stand out for me:

How can you stand next to the truth and not see it


Oh, a change of heart comes slow



*

It's not a hill, it's a mountain


As you start out the climb


Do you believe me or are you doubting


We're gonna make it all the way to the light


But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight

All of us spiritual seekers out there who actively pray that the hard hearts of others will soften are sometimes disappointed that the process does not happen as quickly as we would like. I know many people who are seeking to change the hearts of others on important social issues and many are left frustrated that the process takes so long and that little progress seems to be made. We have to remember that such a change does not happen on our time.

The Holy Spirit works more like a sculptor molding clay than a robot fabricating parts for a new Chevy. It takes time to chisel away the imperfect as the artist’s vision comes to life. It cannot be rushed. As the chorus of this song suggests, life is more of a mountain than it is a hill. To successfully climb a mountain requires faith and trust in others. To climb the spiritual mountain of life requires that we trust in something bigger than ourselves and that we make the time to analyze the sources of doubt that invariably spring up from time to time.

I love how the chorus ends suggesting an element of faith that the goal of making it towards the light will be accomplished but only after a little craziness is had along the way. This is a reminder of our own humanity; we may strive to live saintly lives, but every now and then we are reminded by our human nature that we will fall down along the way. The important question to ask is, what do we do when we get back up if we get back up at all?

5 Minutes of Funk

As much as I miss the summer I have to admit that I love evenings in the fall; particularly when everyone else in the house is asleep and I have my dog Reilly and writing partner Clos Du Bois to serve as inspiration. And, no, Clos Du Bois is not related to Benson Du Bois; at least not that I know of. Perhaps we should ask Clayton Endicott to settle this one.

I spend a lot of time with consumers asking them questions about products, brands, unmet needs etc. but I am convinced that I really only need the answer to one key question to gain insight into their inner selves; What was the first record you bought with your own money? Okay, so maybe it was not a record, but for most of you it was probably a cassette tape, for another group of you it was likely a CD and for a small minority of you it was likely a digital download. Think about it though, with a ton of options to choose from, what music motivated you so much that you spent your own money on it.

I remember my first album purchase vividly, mainly due to the reactions of my parents and siblings. It was Whodini’s Escape. I was about 9 years old and growing up in suburban Connecticut and was supposed to be buying Van Halen or Duran Duran but, much to the dismay of people around me, I started listening to rap music. Escape was closely followed by Run DMC’s Raising Hell; to this day I remember my twin brother and my sister referring to my newfound musical taste as “rap crap.”

For a little white boy in Stamford, CT to purchase “black music” was unconventional to say the least, but I did not let it bother me. I liked it. It was different. Yet, after a while, my musical taste began to change and I started getting into Heavy Metal. “From bad to worse,” my mother would tell you. I had a fondness for Iron Maiden, Def Leppard, and much of the “white bands” from the late 80s (White Lion, Whitesnake, Great White, etc.). Then, my parents all time nightmare came true, I started listening to Rap/Rock fusion which was made popular by the Beastie Boys and a thrash metal band known as Anthrax who would pave the way for later acts such as Kid Rock and Limp Bizkit. A brief aside, thank you Rob Salminen who lent me his copy of Among the Living – I am still convinced the “bad dude” from Poltergeist II was the inspiration for the cover of that album.

Recently, I started listening to a country act called Big and Rich who tends to blend hard rock, country music, and rap into their songwriting. For many of you that may sound like a symphony from hell, but to me it sounds pretty cool.

Why am I sharing all of this? Consider that our musical taste may be unconventional to those who don’t share the same feelings. Others may not understand it; they may not like it. Faith is similar. To those who grew up with different belief systems, or no belief systems at all, seeing us practice and live our faith may be a bit strange. They may think us silly. This, of course, does not mean we cannot get along; I am sure all those years ago my siblings still liked me even though our musical tastes were different.

Sometimes, though, our actions might influence others to question their belief systems and explore new avenues that they may not have otherwise considered. Just as my friend Rob turned me on to some new music that I would never have considered listening to, the same principle may hold true for our faith lives. Perhaps this is why it is so important for those of us who have faith to not be apathetic about it and to not take it for granted. We must not let our faith lives go dormant once our “Sunday Obligation” has been met. We must go out in the world and serve others. It is through our generosity, our selflessness, and our care for others that we can be a force for change in this world.

If you have a minute, leave a comment with what your first album was. I'd like to know...

Hey Man Nice Shot

Something amazing happened today, I got shot in the arm (figuratively of course). I was up for a project with a company that I used to work for and found out today that my current company was not awarded the contract. Apparently, someone I used to work for said some not so nice things about yours truly.

So, like Kenny Chesney, “I go back” to my former days with this company and my interactions with my former Bawana. Now it would be very easy for me to get angry about this and suggest that the old boss had a chip on his shoulder. So easy, in fact, that I did let my anger get the best of me after hearing this news. I was in one of those moods where only a little loud music would do and so I turned on the 90s rock station and heard Filter’s Hey Man Nice Shot.

As I listened to the song, I reflected on the news I just heard and dissected my reaction to it; which, you know by now, was not exactly positive. I then thought to myself, what if I am wrong? What if I did something that really hurt this guy and put him in a bad position? People only “blacklist” others when the offender has done something so terrible to cause a deep emotional wound. Could that be the case with me?

As I continued to reflect on that time in my life, I realize that it was not uncommon for me to concentrate more on my own self interests than those of the organization I worked for. I had certain career aspirations that were not in line with where my job at the time was going and it is plausible that my behavior may have been impacted by this “gap” between personal goals and circumstance. I took risks to make my job more in line where I wanted it to go vs. where my boss and his boss needed it to go. This likely led to selfish actions and poor judgement on my part that I was unaware of because I was blinded by ambition. So, who is the jerk in this scenario? Me of course!

Why admit this? Well, there is a saying I hear often which goes “We are not perfect, but God asks us to try anyway.” If we do not confess our own shortcomings, they will never become real to us and we will never learn from them. So, instead of being angry with the old boss, I want to thank him for reminding me that my halo is in desperate need of repair. In other words, Hey Man, Nice Shot!

4 Irishmen, the Lord’s Prayer, and Mel’s Diner.

This past week I had the pleasure of attending a U2 concert at Giant’s Stadium. I started seeing U2 while I was in high school and have only missed one tour since. As such, I was very excited to attend. With the exception of arriving home at 2 am and feeling a bit, *cough* under the weather on Friday morning, the experience was positive…for me.

A friend of mine also went to the show but his after concert experiences were slightly different. Generosity got him to the show (his tickets were free) and generosity got him back to NY from the venue in NJ (he was offered a ride from strangers and took it). It is what happened after that which is troubling.

After leaving a bar later that night, my friend was physically assaulted and robbed by 6 unsavory characters. This guy was not a wall street type and no one was going to get rich off of this mugging. Bob Dylan once referenced the “freedom” which accompanies being poor when he sang “When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to loose.” I don’t think that is entirely true. When something like that happens, you may not loose much materially, but can certainly loose faith in humanity.

After the mugging, something right out of a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie happened. My friend found his way to a diner, started crying, and the owner of the diner bought him breakfast, “This one is on me,” he said. What a contrast, going from having your faith in humanity shaken to having it restored by one simple gesture.

Those of us who grew up in a Christian religion no doubt learned the Lord’s Prayer or the Our Father as children. There is one line in that prayer which sheds some insight into this event, “and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Three things are going on in this line. First, we admit that we will trespass against other people not just once or twice, but throughout our lives. The prayer is not written in the past tense but in the present tense (and arguably in the future tense). Second, we ask forgiveness for these crimes committed by us against others. Finally, we acknowledge that others will commit crimes against us in our lives. Inherent in this last line is that in order for us to be forgiven for the wrongs we have committed against others, we must be willing to forgive those who have wronged us.

Amazingly, my friend has recovered positively from this experience keeping a strong attitude and his faith in humanity. I am not sure I would be able to do the same.

As I think about the diner owner, I am reminded by lyrics to Trip Through Your Wires, a U2 song that was not played last Thursday night.

“I was cold and you clothed me honey

I was down and you lifted me honey”

Perhaps, the story of my friend is not just about how it is our duty to forgive others if we indeed seek forgiveness ourselves. Maybe it is about playing the role of the diner owner more frequently in our lives. We all know that there will be no shortage of people in this world who have been wronged by others. When they come across our path, we have a decision to make; shall we be like the diner owner and take them in or just keep walking on by? I am going to make a conscious effort to be more like the diner owner. From now on, you can call me Mel, just don’t tell me to kiss your grits.

Happy Birthday Mom

Last week I shared some reflections on lessons that my father taught me. Tonight is my turn to do the same thing for my mother on the 30th anniversary of her 46th birthday.

_________

It is no secret that our most important teachers are not the ones we find in elementary schools, high schools, or universities; they are our parents. We take this for granted in our younger years spending most of our time believing that our parents know absolutely nothing. It is only when we mature through life that we realize that our parents may have, in fact, forgotten more than we will ever learn.

Mom, you are always there for me and this is something I often take for granted. There are lessons that you taught me in my life that I did not appreciate at the time. I resented the fact that you always volunteered Jimmy and me up for things such as cleaning the Convent at St. Cecilia, mowing Larry Lasagna’s lawn, and even becoming altar servers. I look back now in the rearview mirror of my brief 35 years and realize that you gave me many gifts that I never properly thanked you for. Five of these gifts are outlined below:

1. The joy of serving. Whether it was being altar servers, volunteering for activities in Church, or helping out our neighbors, you taught me how important it is to serve others. I truly believe now that it is only in serving that we can find true happiness and we often walk away from these experiences receiving more than we have given. I put up a fight when you asked me to do many things in service to either you or others; honestly, sometimes I felt as if you were singling me out. Regardless, I am sorry for being argumentative and want to thank you for teaching me the joy of serving others.

2. The importance of being on time. We only lived one mile from Church yet you would always allow a full 30 minutes to get to Mass. Being on time for appointments is a way to show respect to your hosts as well as your guests. Thanks to you, I have never showed up to a meeting late or missed a flight. Thank you for stressing the importance of being on time.

3. The Greatest Gift you can give is Your Time. When I was growing up, you always made it a point to spend time with each of your children one on one. Having three children I know how hard this is to do yet I see the joy and sparkle in my children’s eyes when I can spend time with them alone. Furthermore, you showed me how important it is to spend time with your family while they are young vs. pursuing personal interests. You often see me on the weekends spending time with the kids and not taking time to myself because of your example.

4. The Art of Consolation. I remember when I was in College Bea Kelly’s mother died and you asked Jimmy and me to come to the wake with you. I remember seeing a look of surprise on Mrs. Kelly’s face and how much it meant to her that we were there. I likely went to that wake kicking and screaming but left feeling better about myself because I helped someone feel better during a difficult time. Thank you for showing me the importance of consoling others.

5. Mothers know us best. I went through a large portion of my life feeling as if you did not understand me. At some point in my life, though, I realized that you know me better than I know myself. Thank you for always being there for me.

Uncertainty

Someone close to me was up for a big job but did not get it because the person she was interviewing with was uncertain that my friend was the right cultural fit for their organisation. While my friend had all the qualifications they were looking for, and was told she came the closest out of all candidates interviewed, the other firm decided to hold onto their uncertainty and not take a leap of faith. As I counseled her, it got me thinking about the role of uncertainty and faith and promoted this post.

Uncertainty. It is, of course, human nature, to be uncertain. We are uncertain about small things; what toothpaste shall I purchase? Is this really the right laundry detergent for me? Do these jeans make my butt look big? We are uncertain about big things; is this the right car for me? Should we move in together? Do I wan tto spend the rest of my life with him/her? Shall we name our first child Harold?

Uncertainty. Sometimes it plagues us. It keeps us up at night. Sometimes it even clouds our judgment when we are torn between what the heart wants and what the mind says. Maybe Freud was right after all with all that mumbo jumbo talk about the Ego, Superego, and Id.

Uncertainty. The ironic thing is that we are often uncertain about how we deal with uncertainty. Should I talk to a therapist? Should I talk with my mom? Maybe dad will have some advice. Maybe I will talk to Father Harry, oh, wait, I am not Catholic – he certainly won’t want to talk to me….or will he?

Naturally, the opposite of uncertainty is faith. It takes more strength to have faith than it does to be uncertain. Then again, David was weaker than Goliath but he had faith and beat the giant. There I go, now I am uncertain about the nature of faith. It’s a shame; I thought I had something going there for a minute.

Faith. Once I was led blindfolded into a room as part of an initiation ritual to a club. I was led up a flight of stairs and then, suddenly, was pushed off the top. It was scary, but my friends were there to catch me. Trust is one of the components of faith. Sometimes, to grow, you have to jump blindly and trust that someone will be there to catch you.

Faith. A George Michael song with really pretty supermodels in the video. That scene with Cindy Crawford still gives me goosebumps. When the words ‘no more’ are added after the word faith you have a one hit wonder 90s metal band. Perhaps that is not a good example of faith. However, when the word ‘Blind’ precedes the word faith, you have a tremendous super group with Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood. Can you find your way home?

Faith. Sometimes it is hard to have faith when you have been burned in the past. That happened to me once. I once dated a girl who I found out was cheating on me. It took me a while to trust women after that but it was something I eventually overcame when I felt I met the right person. Look at me now, I am a married man and I don’t worry where my wife has been when she says she was at the gym for 3 hours....or do I?

Breathe!

Today I was in Indiana running in home interviews for a client looking to get a little close to their core consumers. I had two distinct pleasures during this experience; one of my consumers was a HUGE U2 fan (her license plate was RATLNHUM) and the client I was traveling with was from Honduras. What do these two facts have in common? Read on and find out:

My client from Honduras told me stories of how common kidnapping is in her country. People from wealthy families are often kidnapped for ransom money that, once paid, almost always guarantees the release of a family’s loved one. I say almost because some families have paid kidnapper ransom money only to find that their loved one has been murdered. Families have gotten smart to this and always ask to speak with their loved one while negotiating with kidnapers to make sure that their loved one is still alive.

Kidnapping is so common in Honduras that my client was taught code words to use should she ever find herself kidnapped. For example, if, during the negotiation, my client said to a hostage negotiator “I have been praying to San Antonio” this means she is somewhere in the north.” If she said “I have been praying to Santa Maria,” this means she was somewhere in the south.

On the latest U2 album, No Line on the Horizon, the second to last Track is entitled Breathe. The Chorus is below:

Every day I,

have to find the courage

to walk down

into the street,

with arms out

gotta’ love you can’t defeat

neither down or out

there's nothing you have that I need,

I can breath

Breathe now

In America, there are those amongst us who face significant challenges including homelessness, un employment, underemployment, etc. That said, waking up and being able to take a deep breath is truly a gift we take for granted. For most of us, our daily lives do not require vast amounts of courage but for those living in Honduras (or in Morocco where the inspiration for this song came from), daily life is often wrought with fear. Imagine waking down the street in fear of being kidnapped? Imagine being a soldier in Iraq or a passenger on a bus in Tel Aviv wondering if today will be the day you loose your life to a suicide bomber.

In America, life is certainly something we take for granted and this is evident in many places. Most often, the battles we fight are petty and political; we often take for granted the freedom we experience. We rarely stop and give thanks for the simple act of waking up and taking a deep breath without fear. I think I will put that on my list of resolutions, to give thanks just for waking up in the morning.

Darius Rucker is Alright by Me

Cracked Rearview by Hootie and the Blowfish broke when I was in college. As such, I hold a special place for “Hold My Hand” and other songs from that album much like my friend Dixon holds a special place in his heart for recordings off of Neil Young’s Rust Never Sleeps.

This week on the Cape my wife and had a heavy dose of modern country music, a fondness for which we have shared since we danced to Garth Brooks on our wedding day. The CMAs are the preferred award show in our home, but I digress.

Darius Rucker, former lead singer of Hootie and the Blowfish, is now a solo country artist and his song “Alright” was in heavy rotation last week on the station we were listening to. If you have not heard this song yet, click here and give it a listen before reading the rest of this post:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p11jV8bo2oc

This is one of those songs when, listened to closely, that, to borrow a line from Bowie, hits you “like a sock on the jaw.”

If you don’t have the time to listen to the whole song, consider the refrain:

Cause I got a roof over my head

The woman I love layin’ in my bed

And it’s alright, alright

I got shoes under my feat

Forever in the eyes starting back at me

And it’s alright, alright

Yeah I got all I need

And it’s alright by me

How many times do we say to ourselves, “I would just be happy if I just had a…” fill in the blanks: new kitchen, new bathroom, iPhone, new computer, new house, more money, etc. etc. etc. But there is wisdom in this song as well as in an old Eagles lyric:

So often times it happens

That we live our lives in chains

And never even know we have the key

Most of us have all that we need in what we already have. I look at my kids and I really could not ask for more in life. They are healthy and happy (most of the time). I have a wife who puts up with my insanity and never lets me forget that I am human. So why do we always want more?

I often chalk that up to where I live; Fairfield County, CT is very competitive on a social level. People drive fancy cars, send their kids to fancy schools, and oftentimes judge each other based on the clothes they wear and the company they keep. So the solution, of course, would be to move away from it all. Right?

Wrong. This shallowness can be found anywhere. Letting it affect you is a choice. Darius Rucker reminds us, in a way that only country music can do, that we may not have all that we want, but we usually have all we need. I look forward to your thoughts on the matter.

Love is Blindness?

Please bear with me as I am feeling rather deep this evening.  Take a moment, close your eyes, and take a deep breath.  Now, remember the first time you fell in love with another person.  I bet you remember the year and maybe even what you were wearing.  Certainly you remember the music (or bear with me and pretend that you do).  The first time I fell in love, U2’s Auchtung Baby had just been released and it is an album I consider flawless to this day.

It was quite a departure from anything they put out in the 80's and I remember at the time not liking it too much myself.  But it grew on me; kind of like my recent proclivity for single malt scotch.

The last track on the album is called Love is Blindness.  I remember seeing U2 play end a show with it in the fall of 1991 at Madison Square Garden; we had horrible seats behind the stage.  We didn’t care.  The Pixies opened up for U2 and I remember to this day seeing the back of Frank Black’s head as he sang “Outside, there’s a boxcar waiting;” lyrics I would not appreciate until I was older. 

Back to your first experience falling in love – tell the truth, wasn’t it great? Better than any drug or drink; a dragon you might still be chasing?  I listened to Love is Blindness tonight; by chance as my iPod was on shuffle and I was walking the dog in the rain.  The Lyrics hit me like a punch in the face from Tawny Kitean:

 

Love is blindness

I don’t want to see

You wrap the night

Around me

Take my heart

Love is blindness

Go back to the time when you first felt the love of another person.  Was it that first person you thought of in the beginning of this post, or was it someone else?

 

“The perfect love drowns out all fear.”

Gifts of Spirit

This past year, our triplets turned seven.  It was the first time in seven years that we did not have a birthday party for them. Initially, they were upset about that because they would not be able to share their birthday with their friends.  Truth be told, they were also upset because they were not going to get as many birthday presents as they had received in prior years.

My wife and I are trying to raise the kids to not be selfish and overly worldly, but that is a hard thing to do where we live.  All their friends have so much and, as a kid, you sometimes have a hard time understanding that and seeing the bigger picture.  Deep down inside, I suppose I don’t expect them to understand it.

What kills me though is when they come to us and say “but we don’t have anything to play with.” What upsets me is not that they are not thankful for all the toys that they have, but because they are blind to the gifts that they have that they cannot see.

Our children are extremely artistic.  Give them a blank piece of paper along with some markers and they can create masterpieces. They are happy singing to themselves, not caring who is listening to them or what they sound like.  They freely give hugs, sometimes to strangers.  Their innocence is evident in the constant questions they ask. 

These are all gifts that I myself once possessed and lost somewhere along the way.  I am overly conscious of my actions; I can't spend an hour drawing, even if its to save my life, and I cant remember the last time I truly bared my soul to a random stranger.  My innocence was lost a long time ago.

Maybe I need to take a page out of their playbook.   Any suggestions?

A Broken Mirror

A few weeks ago, my friend Leo and I saw Angels and Demons.  For the record, we are both practicing Catholics and we, in spite of seeing the movie, are still practicing Catholics.  Imagine that…

When I was a child, I broke a mirror. My mother told me it would be 7 years bad luck (even though she is Catholic and should not believe in such superstitions).  When a mirror breaks, it can never be put back together.  But what about a person’s spirit? Is it like a mirror?

I have a friend named John who is as close as a brother to me.  He joined the Marine Corps after college; we all thought he was crazy.  He enlisted.  He wanted to be with the everyday person.  As I understand it, basic training in the Marine Corps is grueling – they are known to break you down.  And, as I understand it, the purpose of breaking you down is to make you a stronger person.  Now some people don’t become stronger and they “fail,” that is, they leave the Marines before becoming a Marine.  But what of those who become a marine? They become stronger people; stronger in body and stronger in spirit.

I would like to think that those of us who have faith in something larger than ourselves are more like Marines than we are mirrors.  There are many times when our faith is tested and we walk away stronger for it.

Who are we to think our faith is as strong as it can be? Recall the Apostles who walked with Jesus.  The saw Him perform miracles and they still questioned who He was when they themselves were put to the test.  Thomas doubted Him.  Peter denied Him (3 times I might add).  If the Apostles, who walked in His footsteps, doubted Him, who are we not to doubt?

The point is, faith is completely irrational.  As such, we will always doubt it.  Faith is also a seed that we have to continually water and shed sunlight on.  What are some of the ways we can help our seeds sprout?

"You can do it, We can help"

While my parents live in Florida for most of the year, they spend summers up in Connecticut. During the summer, I try have lunch with my father on a somewhat regular basis as I always find some wisdom in the stories he shares about his experiences with American Express, the Coast Guard, or the New Rochelle Postal Service (“I learned quickly not to finish my route too early or else they would figure out we could handle more routes and therefore need fewer letter carriers.” According to him, my father knew every “Gin joint” in New Rochelle. But I digress.

My father’s stories always start with the same phrase, ”Have I ever told you this story?”  To which I usually reply something snarky like “I suppose I will only know if you told me the story you are about to tell me when you actually start telling me the story.” Dad’s response is always the same, “Don’t be a smart ass.”

I never learn.

Back in the 1970s American Express had started to look beyond travel for card volume growth and was signing up retail stores to start accepting “The Card.” In those days, the sales person would work with the prospective merchant to fill out the application and it would be sent along to Amex HQ in New York for approval.  A friend of my father’s in Atlanta filled out an application for a hardware store to take the card.  He was surprised when it came back as being declined with the reason being “Amex is not targeting hardware stores.” Perplexed, this associate of my father’s asked my father for help and my father obliged by coming down and seeing the operation, which was unlike any he had seen before.  Having contacts in the operations center of Amex, my father hand delivered the contract to those who could authorize it and the contract was authorized through the “Back Door.”

30 + years later, The Home Depot still takes the American Express Card.

What was potentially a missed opportunity turned out to be a big win for American Express all because 2 people had passion for something and could see the value in it even though it was “off strategy.”

How many missed opportunities do we have in our own family lives? Maybe we say no to our children when they ask to sign up for an activity because it has no interest to us:

“What, you want to play hockey? Your mother and I never played hockey…we are just not a hockey family…”

That happened in my house (and my daughter, incidentally, loves the sport and can skate with the best of them).  Thankfully, we decided to let our daughter play hockey and the decision to do so was truly an eye-opening lesson for me on my own parental journey. We should not limit our children based on our own personal interests.  Within reason, we should let them try on many hats until they find those that fit.